In a Slump?, Rejoice I Say, Rejoice! – by: Richard Vegas

Yea, I know……..I hear you saying “that’s easy for you to say”.! Well……why don’t you just pout about it then? You know, I want to tell you a funny story about a salesperson in a BIG slump. This person I actually trained before she moved on to another job many years ago. You’ll like this.

Now, you know what a slump is, right? Don’t ya? If you have ever been in outside sales you know what a slump is. But, now, on this wild thing we call the internet, we think we don’t have to worry about “slumps” because we’re big internet tycoons. Yeah! Right. More like typhoons. A big bag “o” wind.

Well, anyway, this particular salesperson was in presentation with a very wealthy businessman and trying her best to make a 5 million dollar sale. Talk about pressure. And, we sweat over $50 bucks.

Well, this sales lady had given her finest presentation, she had polished it, she had smoothed it, she had rehearsed it till all the rough edges were off, and it was round as a bowling ball. She just knew this sale was in the bag. She had already spent the commission so she had to make this deal fly.

As the presentation rolled on, after an hour and a half, she began feeling that she was not making a connection with this prospect. And, you know that nagging little voice inside your head that says, “Hey dummy” you ain’t gonna make the car payment next month? Well, it started talking to her. And, she say’s of all the times, right in the middle of my presentation I just yelled out, “oh sh**”.

Her prospect, being an elderly sophisticated gentleman and just a little bit hard of hearing says, what? What? She said, in her most humble tone of voice, “oh excuse me sir, but could you direct me to the lady’s room”. He said, OHHHH! Certainly.

She says to me, with a look of total confidence on her face, like she knew exactly what she was doing and saying all the time, she walked right into that lady’s room and took a big load off her mind. She say’s and not a second too soon.

After composing herself she remembered what I had told her several years before about laughing. About how good it is for the soul. She thought to herself, that’s my medicine.

So being as quite as she could she started laughing.

So really guys, come on now listen, slumps are nothing more than a part of life on and off the internet. I know you’ve heard it said a thousand times by every hot dog seminar promoter that comes to town with his little bag of tricks that’s going to get you making a zillion dollars by the time you complete his program and of course fork out your fourteen hundred dollars.

Here are some easy things that everyone can do to get out of a slump. Everybody wants something easy. Here it is.

• Most Important, Realize that slumps will inevitably come. They are just part of life. They are as dependable as the sun rising and setting.

• Also know that following every slump, will come the days of feasting. Just as certain.

• Next… if your wife happens to lock herself out of the house at 2 am, and she is yelling and screaming at the front door, and your dog is barking like crazy at the back door, DON’T let the dog in first, I don’t care if he will shut up once he gets in. That’s a BAD move. And not good strategy for getting out of a slump.

• Ok, I put that last paragraph in there to lighten you up a little.

• It is very important to take life’s problems with the proper mindset. If you can laugh at a slump, I guarantee you it will end sooner than you think.

• If you are prepared to laugh all the way through it, it won’t last very long. If you’re not willing to laugh all the way through it, it may take a long time to go through it.

I have proved all these strategies out on myself, even the one about the wife and dog, yeah, really, and I tell you from 20 years of hard knocks what works and what don’t. Maybe that’s why I’m single today. Hmmm. Only the women really know for sure. :>)

Can you avoid a slump? Not really. But you can laugh your way through it. I promise you if you will force yourself to laugh, your body and mind will get the hint and then your inner emotions will really begin to make you feel like you are in control.

If you really want to know the facts, that’s the problem with slumps. We feel like we are not in control. And that is scary. But feelings are fickle. They come and go with the wind. So, feelings that are created by outward circumstances can be changed by laughing yourself silly.

Try it, You’ll like it.

Richard Vegas ©2002

About The Author Richard Vegas is a popular recording artist and internet marketing professional. He invites you to subscribe to his FREE weekly ezine “Wing-Tips” at: http://www.1-work-at-home-based-business-opportunities.com You may also hear and follow Richard’s music at: http://www.richardvegas.com webmaster@1-work-at-home-based-business-opportunities.com

Mom’s Legacy – by: Wayne and Tamara

Direct Answers – Column for the week of January 13, 2003

I am recently divorced from a destructive narcissist. His infidelity, coupled with a lack of remorse for the havoc caused to our family, was the last straw. This crisis drove me to discover much about myself that needs repairing. I am happily working on those issues, particularly on establishing clear boundaries and a strong sense of self.

Last week my son, his former stepson, received a birthday check. I told my son he should return it. I said it was okay to keep the good memories in his heart and be polite when they met, but that gift was just making my ex look like a good guy and showing total disregard for the pain he caused all of us.

My son accidentally got wind of his stepfather’s affair through a third party. It was a cruel discovery, and he was deeply hurt. I also explained it’s hard to say “enough” to someone you opened your heart to, but it is imperative to recognize situations for what they are and not make excuses for bad behavior. My gut says I’m on the mark. What do you say?

Julene

Julene, our gut says you are on the mark. For yourself. But your relationship to your ex-husband and your son’s relationship to him are two entirely different things.

For better or for worse, you were the one who brought this man into your son’s life. You don’t mention how long you were married or how old your son is. But it sounds as if this man may be the only father your son has ever known. As long as your ex-husband is not clearly using this to get back at you or to manipulate your son, let your son decide.

If the check is what it appears to be on the surface, a gift, your son should decide whether to accept or not. If he is like most young people, he would rather have the money. If he is like most young people, he would rather not be caught in the middle of a power struggle between his mom and the man he thought of as dad.

Wayne & Tamara

Rules Of The Game

About a year ago my husband and I refound the passion in our relationship. We are all over each other all the time.

He is always pinching my rear, sliding his hand along my shirt, or playing with my thong. He has done things like hang my underwear on the wall or in the car after a particularly great encounter. He sometimes removes towels from the bathroom so I have to run dripping wet to our bedroom in just my underwear.

I love my husband’s flirty ways and all his passion, except he does these things in full view of my 17-year-old son. This really embarrasses my son. The other day my husband pulled on my thong, and my son was so upset he was almost in tears. How do I find a happy medium between my son’s embarrassment and a great flirty love life with my husband?

Uma

Uma, it is important for children to have a strong sense of love, both emotional and physical, between their parents. That is as much a part of marriage as paying bills, going to work, and taking care of children.

Your marriage is not only intact, it is still growing. That is good for your son to see. But while children need to have a healthy and balanced sense of what marriage is, they do not need to view the details. Those details are not part of their relationship to their parents.

All games have rules. In football, certain uses of the hands are simply not done in full view of the referee. Reining in a little for the sake of your son can enhance your pleasure when he is not around and you express yourselves freely.

Tamara

About The Author Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

When Things Happen Without Reason – by: Selena Richardson

Sometimes things happen in life for apparently no reason at all. You think that there isn’t any reason for something to happen until after the fact when that something has changed your life or pointed you into a new direction.

Two seemingly totally opposite things can happen to you one day but they have a certain affect on you. Let’s say you get this idea to do something, like read a certain book you keep putting off. The idea pops in and out of your head and you dismiss it. The usual ‘I’ll do it later’ routine.

During the day while working, someone casually mentions that book, talking about how much it helped them in their situation and so on and so on. You dismiss it again because of course you’ll read it at another time.

A few days later, you’re at a doctor’s appointment and you’re flipping through a magazine. You see a review for the same book. By now you should be thinking either you’re crazy or somebody’s trying to give you a big hint.

That’s the point when you should take the hint and read the book. That’s how life works. Intuition hits – you get an inspiration or an idea to do something and you get bombarded left and right with all of these situations that don’t seem like they have any similarity. Until you take a closer look and then you see. If you look hard enough at each situation it’s like putting the pieces in a jigsaw puzzle. If you fit each piece in the right place you finally get the picture.

Let’s say that you want to buy a computer program. It’s a really good program that you need to help run your business. The only problem is that it costs $200 and you don’t have that money right now to pay for it. So you put it on your to do list for a couple months down the road when you can fit it in your budget.

You go through your day to day routine and guess what? You get an email from a discussion list answering someone else’s question about the same program. As you read it you realize that it’s from the maker of the program. And here’s the kicker – there’s a new special 30 day trial download of the program.

So you think coincidence. I say not! You go to the website to download the program and it’s a 60 day trial instead of 30 days. Now you’re probably dumbfounded by now because you just told yourself that morning you would have to wait a couple months to buy it. Except now you can use the program for free for a couple of months and then buy it. Now if you still aren’t convinced of synchronistic events then let me say this – every single thing happens for a reason.

Look back on some of your past experiences in life. I am sure that there were several times where things happened to you for no apparent reason at all. These events either led to other events or were major turning points in your life that didn’t match up anywhere else. They didn’t seem to fit in to what you were doing at the time. But looking back, they fit in perfectly. It’s just that you couldn’t see it at the time.

When things happen without any obvious reason, remember that there’s something you need to pay attention to. There’s always a reason, it’s just that you can’t see it while it’s happening. There’s an unseen force that’s always pointing you in the right direction whether you notice it or not. And those unreal experiences, those strange synchronicities – things happening by ‘chance’ are usually a push in the direction you want (or didn’t know you wanted) to go. Just follow the flow and say thanks – whether it’s a computer program that you get to try out for free or it’s a book you’ve been putting off reading.

About The Author Selena Richardson, coach and editor of Creative Possibilities, a free newsletter helping people focus on and reach their goals. Are you ready to create your journey in life? To subscribe, mailto:subscribe-cpossibilities@creationjourneys.com or visit http://www.creationjourneys.com for more information on her upcoming workshops. selena@creationjourneys.com

Flash!! I Thought I Saw A Puddy Cat! – by: Richard Vegas

Have you ever had one of those flashes of inspiration? Have you ever just had one of those “knowings” down in the pit of your stomach? No, I don’t mean after a big bowl of beans. That’s not what I’m talking about. Ever had something flash across your mind and looked like a puddy cat? Read on and discover what it was.

Flashes of inspiration; how sweet they are. And, they can take different forms. Every one of you, at some time or another, has slapped his/her knee and said, “I see it”. “I see it”. That was your subconscious talking to you. That’s where your Spirit lives. And he knows what the answer is even when you don’t.

The reason so many people get so few “flashes of inspiration” is they never spend the time to get to know their best friend. Case in point. In the early part of the last century, there was a scientist who, during his lifetime, developed many inventions.

Flying Cats, What’s the world coming to?

He said he got his ideas from flashes of puddy cats. Well, that was his way of explaining them. He would go into a dark room with a table and one chair and turn the lights off and sit, and sit, and sit.

He said he didn’t care how long it took; he would wait till he saw flashes of puddy cats. He was waiting on fresh ideas and answers to what ever he was disturbed over. He knew the answer was in his Spirit, he just had to get it out.

I Think That Dude Needs a Rubber Room!

While he was in the room, he applied what he called controlled attention, asking his subconscious to give him the answer to his specific problem. The way he described it, on some occasions the puddy cats didn’t come too quickly. On some occasions they were fuzzy, no pun intended. Sometime they would fly like machine gun bullets.

As soon as the ideas began to make sense, he would turn the lights on and write them down. He explained the source of them this way. He said they came from knowledge stored in his subconscious but acquired through personal experience; knowledge of others and, knowledge from the infinite intelligence.

He said when he was sitting, he would tune into one or all three of these sources. He emphasized that he “made” the time to do this because it was so beneficial. He said most people would scoff at this because it would appear to be such a waste of time. Most people would rather struggle and fight because they believe that’s the way that great achievements come.

Not to mention they would not want others to think they were a fruit cake.

The author of this article has some personal experience with this concept. Being a student of the subconscious and particularly interested in the powers of the unknown and unexplainable, I began to notice some startling results begin to take place after employing these ideas.

No Fruit Cake For Me!

I want it on record here and now, “I have never seen any puddy cats”!! Not real ones anyway. Maybe some baby elephants, Nah…. I’m kidding. Although I have to admit, I’ve looked for them. Hehe! Now just what you think if I told you puddy cats went flying through my closet? Yeah, right.

In your quest for answers you may fail. Remember, Success is never final, and failure is never fatal, only staying down is failure. What you are doing here is, “learning to see.” Learning to see so that your quest will help you discover something more, something even greater. What is that? The ability to discover answers any time you need them.

Think about this. How would you feel if you knew with any problem that came up in your life, you could find a series of answers? All of them will not be right. Most of them will be garbage. A few of them may be useable. Some of them will look like puddy cats. Yea…. and that’s the one we’re looking for.

Looks like the 3 Stooges to me!

Be observant, think, look, pay attention, controlled attention, for that’s when, who knows, you might see a puddy cat. Here is something I have personally discovered in this process. Pay attention. Many times, not every time, I did not get what I felt was a specific answer to the specific situation at hand.

But, what I got was a direction that appeared to have nothing to do with the problem at hand, but in the end, it was something much more valuable and much greater than I could have ever done through kicking and screaming it into existence.

Learn a lesson from Chris!

Consider this. Christopher Columbus set out to find a way to Asia by traveling west from Spain. That was his goal; that was his definite plan. Well, you know the story. He failed big time. Or, did he? You wouldn’t be here if he had succeeded. I believe the infinite wisdom that communicates to our subconscious knew where he should end up. Thank goodness it did.

In many respects, these flashes of imagination could be explained as just an individual brainstorming; i.e.; allowing your imagination to flash ideas from the subconscious to the conscious mind and incorporating the answers to a specific problem. When done, these flashes are examined for value and practicality.

A Good Place to Think!

If you follow my articles you will understand what I’m about to say. I’ve had people ask me, “Where do you get some of the crazy titles you come up with for your articles”? I tell em “puddy cats”. That’s where they come from. Although I admit, I’m not always in a closet looking for them. Sometime they come just from watching Gomer Pyle. But, you have to be able to recognize them, when they come, even if you’re in your sitting room on your throne.

Every person has the creative ability to do this. It is God given. But, most people just haven’t learned to use it. So don’t sell yourself short and say “I don’t have a puddy cat brain”. Yes you do, Sylvester. It is very unlikely that any great mind would have achieved greatness without learning to use the creative abilities of their mind. Discover your puddy cats; they’re in there.

Richard Vegas ©2002

About The Author Richard Vegas is a popular recording artist and internet marketing professional. He invites you to subscribe to his FREE weekly ezine “Wing-Tips” The Success System That Never Fails, at: http://www.1-work-at-home-based-business-opportunities.com. You may also hear and follow Richard’s music career at: http://www.richardvegas.com webmaster@1-work-at-home-based-business-opportunities.com

2003… Got Goals? – by: Paul Shearstone

Inspiration without application improves nothing, benefits no one and fans the flames of mediocrity! … Paul Shearstone 2002

2003….Got Goals?
By Paul Shearstone

Ask anybody on January 2nd 2003 if they have New Years Resolutions or goals and nine out of ten will say, “Yes!” …Ask the same people about their resolutions three months later and they’ll look at you like a small goat discovering a new fence for the first time.

All good intentions aside, exhaustive studies have shown only 3% of the population engage in some form of goal-setting and only 1% on average, write them down.

It should be noted that there is no small coincidence in the 1% that write goals down and the highest achieving, highest income-earning men and women around the world.

Setting goals is the genesis from which things great and not so great are accomplished. Read any book on achievement or watch the Biography Channel and see the quintessential message is clear: Goals = Success!

If it’s that simple though, why is it then, are most people so unsuccessful in the fundamentals of Real goal-setting?

One legitimate answer may be our generation is busier than any generation in the past. Life today is not static and our preoccupation with just trying to ‘get by’ runs juxtaposed to the activities needed for maintaining concentrated goal achievement. Fair enough.

On the other hand, these same studies I mentioned are just as clear on the real reason most people – the ones who bother to set goals – will never achieve them. They don’t write them down relying rather they be left to our memories to manage.

In my soon to be released Thought Book, I wrote: Your goals are future landmarks on paths created by You.

Goal experts, however, will be quick to point out, “Unwritten goals are nothing more than Wishes”… and we know the world is full of people with plenty of wishes. Go to any lottery office or anywhere they sell things like DotCom Stock. In one place they wish they’d bought more, in the other they wish they hadn’t bought any at all!

Real goal-achievement has so nothing to do with merely wishing or thinking of what we’d like to accomplish and everything to do with Not Forgetting.

As the young man once said, “My memory is the thing I use to forget with”. If we buy-off on the precept, we are now the busiest, most preoccupied generation, it’s no stretch then to believe the experts when they say, “Goals left only to memory are destined to fade like so many wishes”.

*********************************************************************************

Before we look for the remedy to the goal-achievement challenge, it’s important we understand the fundamental psychology of goal setting. That is to say, how it works.

Psychological studies on the highest achieving men and women demonstrate, people with clear, specific goals, immediately and by default, become psychologically Goal Oriented individuals. [No mystery there].

Since goals take place in the future, those with goals also by default become psychologically, motivationally, Future Oriented individuals.

Finally, since we can agree we go to the trouble of having goals because we want to achieve them, another automatic psychological outcome is we immutably become psychologically, motivationally, human-behaviorally, actively, Success Oriented individuals.

[To put that into perspective, we can all think of people we know who are naturally, Failure Oriented individuals].

These hallmarks are known as the Three Unique Psychological Success Orientations – the stuff that governs everything we do in the present, the moment, the now, as we go about our lives putting people, places and things together to affect positive outcomes in the future as it relates to our goals.

That is, however, if we don’t forget them!

The good news is, the simple act of reviewing our goals and activities on a daily basis, serves, in and of itself, to ensure we don’t forget them – thereby keeping them fresh, clear, specific and at the front of our mind.

As mentioned and psychological studies show, unforgotten goals quite naturally engender Unique Psychological Success Orientations that by default, impact in a positive way, our thoughts and activities as we go through our lives focused undauntedly in the moment on things we wish to accomplish.

The Bottom Line:

Those without goals, more often than not, find themselves directionless relying mostly on things like luck. Goal-Setting is only the first step. Constant Goal-Review is the activity that ensures Goal-Achievement and Success!

About The Author Paul Shearstone aka The ‘Pragmatic Persuasionist’ is one of North America’s foremost experts on Sales and Persuasion. An International Keynote Speaker, Author, Writer, Motivation, Corporate Ethics, Time & Stress Management Specialist, Paul enlightens and challenges audiences as he informs, motivates and entertains. To comment on this article or to book the Pragmatic Persuasionist for your next successful event we invite to contact Paul Shearstone directly @ 416-728-5556 or 1-866-855-4590 www.success150.com / www.paulshearstone.com or paul@success150.com.

Are You a Wildflower? – by: David Leonhardt

Wildflowers grow from mere dust to reach their full potential.

Wildflowers grow well, even in adverse soil conditions.

Wildflowers don’t require late nights at the office to grow.

Wildflowers grow thick and stick together.

Wildflowers grow strong and tall.

Wildflowers display their brilliant personalities for all to see.

Wildflowers withstand drought and grow all the more beautiful when watered.

Wildflowers withstand frost and hale.

Wildflowers last late in the season, when other flowers have given up.

Are you a wildflower?

About The Author David Leonhardt is the Happy Guy, speaker, author, and publisher of “Your Daily Dose of Happiness” at http://www.TheHappyGuy.com/daily-happiness-free-ezine.html where this poem first appeared. amabaie@phastnet.com

Fashionably Late – by: Wayne and Tamara

Direct Answers – Column for the week of January 6, 2003

What can a couple say and do when they have been late in getting wedding thank yous out to people? We have been married two years, with two separations among other serious challenges, and finally want to send cards.

At the same time we are embarrassed about our difficulties in marriage and getting out the cards. One of the problems is my wife’s response when I asked if she would like to do this project together. She told me we have more important things to work on and even said, “They are mostly your friends. You can do them yourself!”

The cards are only the tip of the iceberg as far as our problems go. I wish I could hear some kind of answer from her like, “Yes, honey, why don’t we?” Part of me feels like doing them myself and signing my name only because I thought wives were supposed to take care of this.

Ladd

Ladd, the new year is a time for new beginnings. Do it! Get enough stamps, write the cards all at once, and mail them before you lose your nerve. Nearly everyone appreciates a heartfelt apology, and during the holiday season nearly everyone is in a good mood.

Spend a few moments to rough out the message. A thank you coupled with a simple statement of regret for waiting so long is enough. You might say better late than never, or you might mention you’ve often thought of their gift and realized they haven’t been thanked. If you remember what they gave, mention it. If not, don’t worry about it. Use whatever expression comes naturally.

You never have to apologize for your own marital challenges. They are your business and no one else’s. Don’t worry about how people will take your thank you notes. Almost everyone will think well of you for having the courage to act.

This issue is bothering you. Evidently it doesn’t bother your wife. Since the doing is to satisfy you, her participation is not required. Don’t let the little negative voice within you make you fail to act just because she is unwilling to act.

Sign both names to the cards. The gift givers are not part of that problem. The point is to thank them. Once you get past this burden, you can look at other problems in your relationship. Perhaps this is your inner nature saying, With a little effort I can solve the problems which are weighing on me.

Wayne & Tamara

Terms Of Endearment

Without typing a page on how faithful I am, let me just say I love my wife very much. However, I am not sure if she has feelings for another man. In three years of marriage this thought never occurred to me before.

Recently we moved and transferred jobs. We both work long hours. Whenever I called her at work or she called me, she always called me honey or anything but my first name. Since we’ve been together it’s always been this way when we talk on the telephone. Until now. Now she calls me Stan when a certain male coworker of hers is near.

I guess the reason I realized this is because it sounded so strange to hear. I am not the jealous type but this has me wondering. Am I reading too much into this? I have not noticed any other change in her whatsoever.

Stan

Stan, next time you talk to your wife at work and she calls you by name, try this. Tell her you are feeling the need for a little reassurance. Ask her to tell you she loves you, and ask her, for your peace of mind, to call you darling.

If she refuses or jokes her way out of your request, tell her when she gets home you would like to discuss something that’s been on your mind.

Tamara

About The Author Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

Without Love – by: Wayne and Tamara

Direct Answers – Column for the week of December 30, 2002

Kendra and I have been dating almost six years. For the past three years I have constantly asked myself if she is the one. I can never come up with the answer.

I fantasize about being with other women, and it is not because Kendra lacks beauty. I feel disinterested in intimacy with her, but it was not like that in the beginning. If you asked me three years ago I would have told you I was not missing out on anything. Now that cannot be true.

I guess the biggest problem in my mind’s eye is time. Because we have been together for so long, I’m not sure if I am just staying out of convenience. I am accepted by her family, she is accepted by mine, and our friends think we suit each other perfectly.

I asked my mother about her relationship with my father. She explained they were each other’s best friend. They share the same goals and that works for them. I asked if their sex life was still strong. My mom said they don’t have it nearly as much as in the past, but that it still happens on occasion.

Just recently I went away for a month to work out of the country and met Lissete. We connected on many levels. I promised her I would end things with Kendra when I returned home, and at first I felt great about my decision. In the course of a month Lissete and I made plans for her to come here from Holland.

Then one morning I awoke from a nightmare and felt sick to my stomach. I felt I made a mistake. I felt sick the entire day until I got the nerve to call Kendra. She agreed to meet. Suddenly I was quick to make things work with Kendra, and we decided to give it a second try.

I told Kendra about Lissete. She was upset, of course, but understood it was over in my head. Now here I am, one month later. The first few weeks were great, but I feel us slipping back to where we were. I can only think of the other girl. Lissete was heartbroken and tried to warn me this would happen, but I wouldn’t listen.

Now I don’t know what to do. Kendra will never break up with me, leaving me to do the dirty work if it has to be done. Who is to say I wouldn’t have the same sex boredom problem with the other woman. Once again I find myself asking if I should just marry this woman who loves me to death and go on with life.

Ward

Ward, whoa! Can you hear what you’re saying? Things were not right with Kendra so you ended it. You felt you deserved better. Then things were wonderful with Lissete until you felt the burden of her arrival.

Getting back together with Kendra was the easiest way to prevent that, but breaking up again is not dirty work. It is solving a problem you created. People say the grass is always greener on the other side, but that is not quite right. It is only when things are wrong in our own yard that the other side looks more inviting.

What gives things value is our emotional attachment to them. It is what makes a job not a job but a calling. But without that emotional connection things always get boring. Without love there is no lasting passion.

What you love you can do again and again, never getting bored. It isn’t boring to be with someone you really love. If your passion is horses, you never get bored with horses. The movie you love, you have seen more times than you can count. But movies which are no more than special effects are boring. There is nothing to care about.

Wayne & Tamara

About The Author Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

Put To The Sword – by: Wayne and Tamara

Direct Answers – Column for the week of December 23, 2002

My girlfriend has an aggressive sense of humor. She teases and likes to parry put-downs. She says it is all in fun, and it is very important that she can joke with her partner. She thinks I am thin-skinned and overly sensitive.

Indeed I know I am sensitive, but this is a vicious circle which makes me more and more sensitive. No doubt this kind of dialogue is very common amongst some people. I witness it almost daily with friends or certain colleagues.

To me there are limits and obviously my limits are different than hers. I’m working on being less sensitive, but the only way to do that is to numb myself, which doesn’t give her the participation she wants. She says she will try to do it less, but it always comes back.

I do not think she believes there is a problem on her side. She’s said she wants this in a relationship, and if I can’t handle it, maybe we aren’t right for each other. Other parts of our relationship are great, but I don’t understand why a clearly negative behavior is so important, especially for an intelligent person.

Albert

Albert, your girlfriend is good at swordplay, but she can’t fence by herself. She wants you to play so she can feel good about herself. She has a fondness for something hurtful. That says more about her character than you realize.

There is a difference between humor and wit. Humor puts us in the same boat as the other person, while wit throws us out of the boat and into the water with the sharks. That is why humorists are often loved, while wits are often quoted but seldom loved.

Your girlfriend is a wit. She is not too thick-skinned to realize she hurts others. Most likely she simply doesn’t care. Making you wince is part of her nature. Look for a girlfriend who wants to row the boat with you, not feed you to the fishes.

Tamara

Love And Money

I have been in a relationship for two years. Early on my boyfriend became angry about picking up the tab, even though I offered many times and he turned me down. We worked through that and I try to be aware of equality.

Recently we were driving to a party for a coworker. I also consider her a friend. My boyfriend drove, as he always turns down my invitation to drive. In route to the party he glanced down at me programming my mobile phone, and we heard a big bump. The car had hit something.

We could not determine what it was and thought perhaps he had scraped a mailbox close to the road. Later we realized that a deer hit the car. Two days later he was parked and someone backed into the other side of his car.

He took the car in and his insurance company is making him pay the deductible of $250. My dilemma is that he thinks I should pay half because we were going to my friend’s party. I am appalled. What do you think?

Cammie

Cammie, when most people read “A Christmas Carol,” they identify with someone who feels the joy of the season, like Bob Cratchit. Your boyfriend identifies with Ebenezer Scrooge.

In Dickens’ tale, the Ghost of Christmas Past shows Scrooge how he lost his chance for love. Scrooge sees the woman who once promised herself to him saying, “Another idol has replaced me…a golden one.” Your boyfriend’s miserly approach to love may lead him to the same fate.

Driving carries a responsibility which cannot be assigned to another, and with a second accident, chances are your boyfriend would still be out the deductible. The measure of love is generosity, and yet there is a paradox. In a successful relationship each party should feel they receive more than they give.

Wayne

About The Author Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

Breaking Through Resistance – by: Selena Richardson

Why is it that every time you start something new, a million and one things get in the way?

You make a goal to lose weight and all of a sudden every time you go to the store you seem to notice the chocolate you’ve been craving.

Or you decide to start a writing project but every time you sit down to write – you’re stuck, you don’t have any inspiration. You can’t seem to get moving forward.

Resistance always comes up when you start venturing into unknown territory – starting a new project or a home based business – it comes in many different forms.

For me, resistance shows up in the disguise of procrastination. It can take on a different shape for you. Procrastination is my resistance and it’s a sign to me that I’m avoiding whatever it is that’s new or different in my life. So when I see myself starting to put things off whether its organizing my home or working on a new project I have to take a step back and see the whole picture. What’s going on that’s making me put off this project? Once I figure it out the answer usually is fear of the unknown. I then dive right into it head on. And usually it’s a lot easier and it goes by faster than I had anticipated.

Sometimes you just have to rock the boat to get it moving forward again.

You see, resistance to doing something or to trying to reach your goal is just a test to see if you really truly want what you’re striving for. So when you have those moments of resistance, no matter how they show up in your life, take a time out and think about what you’re resisting and think about whether you want to stay stuck or if you want to move on to the next level.

The choice is yours – either stay stuck where you’re at or push through the resistance to get closer to your goal. Are you willing to take it to the next level? Are you willing to make the push to go forward?

Push yourself to new levels when you feel the resistance. At that point, right where there is the most resistance, when those feelings of doubt, guilt and uncertainty creep in – that is the exact moment where you need to keep moving. Take that next step through the resistance. Put one foot in front of the other and with each step the road gets easier. The resistance starts to fade into the background. That resistance becomes a memory and when you look back you’ll be amazed at how easy it was to pull yourself through.

It may seem like a huge step but it’s a necessary one. Don’t let the resistance defeat you. Stand up and fight, then move on. It’s easier than you might think. When you get off track get right back on. The keys to breaking though resistance are recognizing its many forms and being willing to rock the boat.

About The Author Selena Richardson is the editor of Creation Daily, a free motivational ezine delivered five days a week. Are you ready to create your journey in life? If so, subscribe mailto:subscribe-cdaily@creationjourneys.com or visit http://www.creationjourneys.com for more information selena@creationjourneys.com