Embracing Your Wildness – by: Sibyl McLendon

As small children, we were all wild. Not unlike the wolf pup in the den, we ran when we felt like it, sniffed or tasted things to see what they were, yelled when the mood struck us and danced at the drop of a hat. We loved to dig in the earth, heave a rock into a pool, roll and tumble on the ground and run naked whenever we could. We loved ourselves and we loved our bodies. We knew no fear.

Of course, we were also taught to give that all up. “Act your age!” “Don’t be such a wild thing!” our parents told us. Grow UP. The list of unacceptable behaviors got longer and longer, until the wild part of us just went to sleep.

But the wildness is still inside of us, and we all need to make the connection to it to be a whole, happy person. It is there for a reason, and when we can find it, wake it up and make it a working part of our psyche, we are all the better for it.

The wildness holds our deeper intuition. That sniffing and tasting to discover what a thing was… it kept us out of a lot of harmful situations! We knew instinctively when something or someone should be avoided. As small children, that instinct was not fully developed, of course, but as adults we can use that wildness to guide us in ways that we need. When we allow our wild side to remain buried and asleep we are a lot more likely to blunder into situations and relationships that are not good for us!

The wildness allowed us to have fun and to connect to the rhythms of the universe at lot more easily. We can all use a good roll on the ground from time to time. A good long howl at the moon when we are sad can really go a long way to making us feel better. Heaving a rock into a pool is very therapeutic when angry.

Women especially have lost that wild nature. They complain long and hard about men being so free with their bodily functions, and the fact that they are acting like “little boys” all the time. Well, ladies, I strongly suggest that you give it a try! Women need to let go of all the civilization once in awhile. We have had all the wildness bred out of us, and it is unhealthy! Many women feel a yearning as they grow older to dig in the earth (gardening), act a little silly or wild from time to time, and yet they are so frightened… what will the neighbors (mates, parents, friends, strangers) think?

Ha! Who cares? I would rather be known as that sort of strange lady who lives down the block than I would be frustrated and pent-up. No chemical hair dye and plastic surgery for me.

An excellent book about this is “Women Who Run With The Wolves” by Clarissa Pinkola Estes. I have a sort of goal to get every woman on earth to read this book! Cast off your pantyhose and dance… let loose the wildness and howl at the moon! You have nothing to lose but your ulcers, your unhappiness, your fear and your yearning.

You will gain your personal power, your joy, your connection and your intuitive self.

I hope to bump into you some night, running under the full moon… in the wild.

About The Author Sibyl McLendon is 1/2 Navajo, and is a personal spiritual coach for Circle Of Grace http://www.circle-of-grace.com. Circle Of Grace is a unique blending of Native American spirituality and holistic wellness coaching. Sign up for a free coaching session! Sibyl can be contacted at sibyl@www.circle-of-grace.com

Care And Maintenance Of The Human Hard Drive – by: Sibyl McLendon

The human brain is very much like a hard drive. If you stop to think of it, they are both filled with billions of tiny bits of information, stored in the memory cells just waiting to be accessed. They both use electrical energy to find those bits and put them together to recreate something that we have placed there. They work on demand, and we expect them to instantly give us what we want.

And frankly, many people abuse both their hard drives and their brains! They fill them up with information and expect them to perform at top efficiency without the benefit of good maintenance. There are some basic support tasks that are essential to the well being of both. If you don’t take proper care of both of them, eventually they will fail you.

Both brains and hard drives need to be de-fragged on a regular basis! De-fragmentation means that you allow the machine (brain or hard drive) to rearrange the information that has been stored in it, so that it can find what you need more quickly and efficiently. When bits of information get stored all over the place, with no logical order to it, then it takes a lot longer for the machine to find and reassemble what you need quickly.

Probably, you have your hard drive set up to de-frag itself on a regular basis. It is done automatically, maybe while you sleep. Well, your brain does not have a task-scheduler to take care of this for you! It is busy 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and 365 days a year. It can’t reset itself while you sleep. That is because it is still working on the things that your subconscious is trying to sort out. It is dreaming and remembering and stressing all the while.

So how do you de-frag your brain? Well, it takes three things: rest, relaxation and meditation. If you are a type A personality, then these three things may be totally foreign territory for you! You may be in a high-stress job, or always be taking care of others but never yourself, or you may somehow think that taking care of yourself first is something that you do not deserve. Wrong! If you do not take care of this, it will force the issue. You may get sick, depressed or worse.

Meditation is an excellent way of maintaining your brain. It forces you to sit, relax and do “nothing” for a bit. You clear your poor brain of the clutter and the chatter and just let it run free. You do not have to do anything special, really, to meditate; you just find something that transports you! Music works for a lot of people. You can dance if it helps you, or do some drumming. You could get a good meditation tape or CD and listen to that. You could even sign up for a Tai Chi course, or try some yoga. Whatever you decide to do, do it regularly. At least once a week is necessary for the proper de-fragging of the average hard drive and the average brain.

At the very least you should be setting aside some time every week to just do something relaxing. Take a long bubble bath with some candles lit and some soothing music playing. Go sit outside in nature. The trick here is to just DO it, to take the time for yourself no matter what. See that you deserve it and that it is just as important as going to a doctor when you are sick. In fact, it can help keep those doctor visits to a minimum!

And while you are at it, consider getting a good anti-virus too. Your hard drive needs it to protect your information, and your body needs it to keep healthy. Anti-virus for the body means taking better care of you. Eat something healthy, go out and take a walk, and get more sleep! You can find the time to do this if you make it a priority.

If you take care of your hard drive, both the computer type and the body type, your life will improve significantly. Both will run smoothly and have a lot less crashes!

About The Author Sibyl McLendon is 1/2 Navajo, and is a personal spiritual coach for Circle Of Grace http://www.circle-of-grace.com. Circle Of Grace is a unique blending of Native American spirituality and holistic wellness coaching. Sign up for a free coaching session! Sibyl can be contacted at sibyl@www.circle-of-grace.com

Magic of Goal Manifestation – by: Shaun Ajani

What goals do you have for your life? If you have goals, is it just in your head? Or do you have a methodology to manifest them?

A systematic process to think of anything you want, and ultimately acquire it. Sounds like magic, doesn’t it? That is because by using a process, the results are so effective that it seems like something out of a fantastic anecdote.

For the beginner, I recommend the following undemanding two-step process:

First step: Elaborately envision the goal. For example, if your goal is to move into a new house by the middle of next year, then close your eyes and picture the house clearly. Be specific; for example, be exact about the neighborhood.

And the smell… Imagine what everything would smell like! Can you smell your favorite food that you are cooking in your new huge kitchen? Can you smell the faint fragrance of the roses in the backyard through that open window? Can you get the soft whiff of the ocean as it roughly clashes on the rocks a few hundred feet from your balcony?

Can you hear it? Can you hear the ocean? Can you hear the pale, but the unmistakably robust sound of the waves?

Touch the leather on the recliner. Can you feel the abounding texture? Can you see the deep luxuriant color? Can you smell the plush tang of rich leather?

If you have trouble conjuring up images of your own creation, then you must spend more time dreaming about the things, which make you happy. Certainly, if you practice the above exercise again, you will see the difference. You may need some practice in conjuring up your future reality.

Second step: Write it down. Write it down in detail. Write it and read it. Read it every day.

Do not forget those details that make the goals worth living. For example, do not just visualize the house, envision it with the people you feel affection for, and care for, in it with you.

Take one goal at a time, and you will realize that how you acquire your objectives is not important, but the reasons you want to acquire them are. The reasons are the feelings you create in yourself, when you envision your dreams so unmistakably.

There are many paths to the goal. In fact, there are infinite paths, with infinite variables intermingling at every possible junction. We often make the mistake of concentrating all our energies on this most complicated arrangement, instead of the goal itself.

Remember, if you take one goal at a time, then there is only one goal, that one dream. All paths lead to that one goal. Concentrate on that, and everything in your life will be orchestrated to gently deliver you to your goal.

In my most recent book, “If You Row, You Will Not Drift – Perfect Life Management – The Life Wizard”, I take the techniques of management of the fortune 500 companies, and use them to run our everyday lives. So you can finally get organized and row ahead with a purpose. The secret here is the management of your thoughts, and its final direction toward everything that you want.

As I conducted the goal manifestation process every time I thought of having something worthwhile in my life, the stronger my faith got. Perhaps it is the combination of vision, determination, and prayer. Or perhaps it is something so unexplained that the universe throws at us, which the humans cannot even conceive at the present time, but it works.

About The Author Shaun Ajani is an internationally published author of many books and articles, including, “If You Row, You Will Not Drift – Perfect Life Management – The Life Wizard”, “Extreme Project Management”, “How Real is Your Soul?”. He has worked with aviation, IT, retail, HR, finance, education, and training industries, in companies like Motorola, Dollar Stores, Nation Gifts, Code Factory, Washington Mutual, Boise Cascade, Sears, and Spherion. http://www.ajani.com

Breaking Your Relationship Pattern, Part 3 – by: Rinatta Paries

Do you want to put to rest the people and situations from your past so they do not interfere with your current and future relationships?

I bet you said yes. Who doesn’t have something in their past they want to put to rest? Then let’s talk about what action steps you can take to create the absence of past — or completion — in your life.

Below are a series of action steps. You’ll want to pick a few and repeat them until you are complete with various people and circumstances from your past.

The time it takes to get to genuine completion will vary from person to person and situation to situation. For some it can come quickly. But sometimes completion happens over time: we may have to forgive, let go, or communicate to people in stages over a period of time.

Here are 10 action steps to put to rest the people and situations from your past. Use these action steps on the list of incompletions you created from last week’s article.

1. Write Letters
Write letters to the person or people to whom you feel resentful, hurt, or still attached. Freely say everything you want to say and write as many letters as necessary to feel complete, each time going deeper inside to express your full emotions. Do not send these letters, but instead do something with them that leads you to feel you are getting rid of the feelings. Flush the letters down the toilet, burn them, bury them, etc.

2. Tell Your Story
Tell your story over and over to a trusted friend, advisor, or your journal. Make sure neither you nor the person listening edit or judge what you say or write, give advice, or make comments to dispute your feelings. Your job is to communicate and be listened to attentively.

3. Talk to the Right Person
Talk to the person with whom you have the incompletion. Do this only if you are sure the person will be able to listen to you in the same way as in Step 2 above. If you do have this conversation, make sure not to blame or be rude, but talk about your feelings and the consequences in your life. If you have the opportunity, have as many conversations as you need to get complete.

4. Imagine Talking to the Right Person
If the conversation in Step 3 above is not feasible, have this conversation in your imagination. Give the conversation as much time and undivided attention as you would give a real conversation. This works best as a closed eye meditation/visualization.

5. Role Play
Ask a trusted friend to role-play the incomplete situation with you or imagine being back in the situation. Use this opportunity to say what you wish you had said. Repeat the role play again, but this time have the other person act in a way that would have avoided causing the incompletion. Repeat the process over time until you feel complete.

6. Reexamine
Reexamine the situation from the vantage point of the present. How did you grow as a result? Was there a hidden gift in going through the experience? What did you learn from the situation? Repeat until you can feel gratitude toward the situation and the other person.

7. Own What Happened
Take responsibility for it and figure out how to prevent a similar situation from happening again. Answer the following questions at length in your journal: How did you contribute to the situation, specifically? What motivated you? What did you ignore or not communicate? How will you respond differently next time at each of the key junctures?

8. Create Completion by Understanding
Look at the other person’s motivations. You do not have to approve or agree. Simply understand. Answer the following questions at length in your journal: What made his/her actions inevitable? Did he/she have a true choice? What would have had to be different in order for his/her actions to be different?

9. Repair the Damage or Loss
Actively repair the damage or loss. If something of yours was taken, replace it with an item just as good or better. If you were emotionally hurt, give yourself the kind of support, acknowledgement, and love you wanted from the other person. Ask trusted others to provide you with the emotional support you needed and did not get.

10. Talk to the Spirit of the Person
Sometimes our relationships go so wrong and so much hurt is created that it is difficult to imagine the person giving us the understanding we need to get complete. In these cases, imagine having a conversation with the person’s spirit, attentively listening while you say everything you need to say. Even when the person may not be able to hear you, their spirit always will. Repeat this process until you are complete.

These steps will help you put your past to rest. You will be ready to start working on attracting your ideal Mr. or Ms. Right — figuring out and then breaking your relationship pattern.

Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries
www.WhatItTakes.com

About The Author Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit www.WhatItTakes.com where you’ll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a “true love magnet(tm)!” help@whatittakes.com

Breaking Your Relationship Pattern, Part 2 – by: Rinatta Paries

The first step toward being able to attract and create your ideal relationship is to clear the way for it by eliminating baggage from your past. This baggage refers to any resentments, hurts, or fears you have toward anyone who either was a role model or who participated directly in a relationship with you.

Lots of people carry such baggage for a long time, some even for a lifetime. The sooner you can truly let go of this baggage, the less likely you are to recreate bad situations in current and future relationships.

Dropping this baggage is what I call “getting complete.”

How do you get complete? Completion is not a sense or an emotion or even a state of being, but a process. This means there are steps and practical actions that will get you to completion. What stands between you and having a great relationship is acting on these steps.

At the most basic level, completion is an exercise in communication. Imagine you could finally say everything you needed to say to everyone you needed to say it to, no holds barred. Wouldn’t that give you a great sense of relief and freedom? In essence, getting complete is getting to communicate everything to everyone, without spending your life looking for everyone from your past or having to deal with less-than-receptive people.

Once you are complete with a situation, the next time you face a similar situation you will be free to choose your actions rather than being run by fear, pain, anger, etc. You may flash back to the old situation, but you will not react based on it. You will no longer have anything but a minute negative emotional response when looking back on hurtful situations. For the majority of the time, you will feel genuine forgiveness toward others and yourself.

The first thing you need to do to get complete is to feel all of your feelings, no matter how unpleasant they may be. How do you feel about your past relationships? Have you swept your feelings under the rug? Are you still secretly pining for someone? What are you afraid of in regards to relationships? Who are you still angry with?

In order to allow yourself to feel, you have to know that feelings, unless they are of the clinical depression or the criminal rage kind, will not kill or hurt you. Most people have either not had the permission or never slowed down enough to feel their feelings. You must give yourself both the time and the permission if any completion is to take place. As long as you don’t let yourself feel, you will recreate exactly what you had in the past. If you want something different — a fulfilling relationship — you can’t afford to recreate the past.

Right now, check in with your feelings and make a list of all the people and situations you need to complete. We will come back to this list.

The second thing you need to do to get complete is to take action. Look for a list of ten action steps in next week’s newsletter.

Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries
www.WhatItTakes.com

About The Author Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit www.WhatItTakes.com where you’ll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a “true love magnet(tm)!” help@whatittakes.com

Breaking Your Relationship Pattern, Part 1 – by: Rinatta Paries

When you were little, you looked up to your parents. You imitated their mannerisms, words, and actions as you learned about life by watching them. This applies to relationships as well – you leaned about relationships by watching them.

Not all you learned about relationships came from your parents; your learning has continued throughout your life. But what you saw your parents do in relationships, how you interpreted what you saw, and how you felt about it, is the foundation of your adult relationships.

That’s not to say that your parents were wrong or bad parents, or even that they had a bad relationship. The only thing that can be said is if intimate relationships are problematic for you, the source is inevitably your foundational learning.

If a great relationship, a great partner, is what you are after, you must see, understand, and deconstruct your foundational learning about relationships. To take apart a foundation of something is a delicate thing. Imagine trying to remove or change the foundation of a house while leaving the rest of the house standing intact. Not an easy task. But in order to have a great relationship, you need to reconstruct your foundational learning while leaving you intact.

To begin, you must get complete with your parents. If you still have negative feelings about what they did to you or each other, you will create situations in your intimate relationships where you will confront these same negative feelings. To see an illustration of this in you own life, take the PatternTrackerTM Quiz at http://www.whatittakes.com/Quiz2/patterntracker.html.

To be complete with your parents means to be both free of negative feelings and to feel compassion toward them. Can you say both are true for you?

If you can, congratulations. You are a member of a very small minority. If you are not free of negative feeling toward your parents or/and if you do not feel compassion for them, you have some completion work to do. That is if you want a long-term, healthy, thriving relationship.

The question is, how do you get complete?

The first thing to know about completion is that it is not just a feeling that will one day appear. There are steps that can be taken to generate a feeling of completion. What stands between you and having a great relationship is taking these steps. Watch for these steps in my newsletter over the next few weeks.

Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries
www.WhatItTakes.com

About The Author Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit www.WhatItTakes.com where you’ll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a “true love magnet(tm)!” help@whatittakes.com

Ten Benefits of Having a Relationship Coach – by: Rinatta Paries

As a Master Certified Relationship Coach, I work with singles to help them attract a great match and with couples to help put their relationships back on track. I hear great feedback from my clients about the value of coaching.

I think everyone can benefit from having a coach — coaching can contribute that much to your life. Which is why you may be interested in seeing what some of my clients have said about the value they received from coaching.

Here is a list of the top ten benefits my clients say they have derived from having a relationship coach:

1. “I finally met my match.”

Clients repeatedly credit having a relationship coach for their ability to finally meet their match, a partner unlike any other they have had. In this relationship — in addition to attraction — there is true compatibility in values, interests, and desire for personal growth.

2. “I regained hope.”

Thanks to coaching, clients regained hope in love, regained hope in meeting the right partner, regained hope in getting married, perhaps even having children. They understand they can be loved and that there is a right partner for them.

3. “I never have to repeat that horrible pattern again.”

Relationship coaching has helped people free themselves from unhealthy relationship patterns. These are the kinds of patterns where you end up with the same partner, only with a different face, over and over again.

4. “I learned how to read people.”

Coaching has helped clients learn to understand their own and others’ motivations. It helped them learn how to clearly see people for who they are.

5. “I finally know exactly how to date.”

Clients credit relationship coaching for their newfound clarity about what to do and not to do when dating. They no longer have to worry about whether they are doing the right thing. They can now relax and be themselves.

6. “I learned how to have great communication in a relationship.”

Clients have learned how to create an environment where great communication happens. More than that, they never have to hold back, put up with something, or stuff their feelings. And neither do their partners.

7. “I never have to worry about a broken heart out of the blue again.”

Clients say they have learned how to avoid heartbreakers. They also say they have learned how to establish relationships where problems are handled long before they lead to heartbreak.

8. “I learned how to deal with difficult situations in relationships.”

Clients say that now instead of being afraid their relationship will go south after the “honeymoon” period, they know how to handle a relationship no matter what stage it’s in.

9. “I’ve seen an improvement in all my relationships.”

Relationship coaching has helped clients improve all their relationships — from coworkers, employees and bosses, to parents, siblings and children. The improved relationships make for a better, easier, more fulfilled life, which in turn improves the romantic relationships.

10. “I can stand up for myself.”

Clients say they have learned that personal strength, boundaries, and self respect make for better relationships. They have learned how to say no, mean it, and have the relationship be ok.

You deserve to have all of the benefits above. Although you can have any or even all of them without a coach, with the right relationship coach you can have them much faster and easier than you would otherwise.

And of course, as you know, I am a relationship coach. Email me and let me know how I can support you to have wonderful relationships.

Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries
www.WhatItTakes.com

About The Author (c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2002. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit www.WhatItTakes.com where you’ll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a “true love magnet(tm)!” help@whatittakes.com

Manage Your Expectations … and raise the bar on your quality of life! – by: Edward B. Toupin

When I was a newbie in ‘the game of life,’ I wanted to succeed beyond my wildest dreams. I wanted to make it big and take on the world, all at once. My expectations were so high that not even Jack could reach them on his beanstalk. However, over time, after much frustration and burn out, I shifted to the other extreme by dropping my expectations, and dreams.

The idea of lowering our expectations is a contradiction to the ‘parental voices’ that tells us that we should ‘reach for the stars,’ ‘raise our expectations,’ and ’shoot for the moon.’ In theory, these are excellent ideals when chasing a dream. But, without some control, such ideals can burn you out, create frustration, and literally destroy your drive to attain any goals, lofty or otherwise. We’ve all either been there, or are there.

If you feel like you’ve run into a wall, or bumped your head on the ceiling, your expectations of what should be are probably forcing you to take ‘too big of a bite.’ But, don’t necessarily lower your expectations. Try managing your expectations to keep your dreams alive and continue your pursuit at a reasonable pace. Again, it seems like a contradiction to what we’ve all heard at one time or another. But, actually, there is a way to keep your ultimate goal in sight, while managing your expectations, so that you can keep your sanity and still achieve success in life.

— Look at it! —-

Evel Knievel jumps canyons on various wonder-bikes, for fun! But, don’t think he just hopped on his bike one day and jumped over the Grand Canyon. Consider that he developed his skills over time to execute his lifetime of phenomenal jumps. But, if he had taken the jumps without building up to them, fear and inexperience would have destroyed the stunts. He had to start with small jumps to gain confidence until, eventually, he was able to make his jumps without hesitation.

High expectations can place you in a position of trying to jump your own canyons right out of the gate. Too many failed attempts can lead you to frustration and eventually, complete surrender of your goals. However, if such an attempt should succeed, it could land you in a situation that, while it looked good from a distance, might not be the place where you wanted to land.

— Break it down! —

Before you go too far on that jump across that canyon, make sure that you know exactly where you want to land. It is imperative that you define exactly what it is that you ultimately want in your life. Once you know what you want, break the process to reach this ‘vision’ down into reasonable steps.

Instead of trying to jump the canyon immediately, try jumping a puddle to see if you can do it with confidence. Once you manage the puddle, take what you’ve learned, put it behind you, and go for something just outside of your comfort zone … perhaps a ditch. Such steps allow you to take on smaller pieces of the whole so that you can set reachable goals on the way to your vision.

— Changing directions! —

Not only is this ’stepping stone’ approach to attaining lofty goals and managing high expectations effective in moving you in the right direction, but you might also find that, the destination is something that you didn’t ‘expect.’

Here is the key—’did not expect.’ High expectations set on a vision that is ‘unknown’ can lead you sometimes place you further away from your vision then when you started. We see where we want to go, want so badly to get there, but have no idea what it takes or what it is that we’re pursuing. Even though the vision might be reasonable, it is the perception that we have of the vision that adds unnecessary stress to our daily lives in our pursuit of that vision.

If we take small steps to reach our vision, we can adjust our path along the way. As we move toward and learn more of our ultimate destination, we might find that we don’t want the original vision. We learn that we might instead want the objective about 30 degrees off of our original. By moving along, one goal at a time, we are able to adjust to ensure that we land were we want to on the other side of our canyon.

— Reapplying the expectations! —

We all develop a certain perspective of things based on the way that we’ve been raised, the experiences that we’ve encountered, and the successes or failures that we’ve had in our lives. Based on our perspective, we develop extraordinarily high expectations of things when we’re not sure of the results of our plight or goals in life. These expectations are built up to cover the doubts that we might have about the goal.

Realize that things are what they are, regardless of our perception. But, by accepting things as they are, and not what you would wish them to be, it makes it much easier to maneuver yourself in the direction you want to go. We must sometimes readjust our perspectives, our values and belief systems, to gain some control in our lives and obtain a clearer view of our paths.

— What’s next? —

By taking on small pieces of the whole, we can easily adjust our path along the way. In this way, we must research our goals so that we can understand where we’re going. In breaking up the path into the smaller goals required to reach our vision, our expectations for our vision become clearer and less imperative. By managing our goals in this way, we automatically manage our expectations because we only have expectations of the immediate goal leading us in the direction of our ultimate vision.

Establish a new plan based on the individual components of your overall vision. Try moving forward with this new plan and see what happens. See how the newly managed goals and expectations work in your life and how you feel as you accomplish the smaller goals on the way to your vision.

Not only will managing your expectations provide you with a more solid path to reach your vision, but it will also enhance your quality of life. Instead of being stressed, frustrated, and disappointed, you can now feel good about your forward momentum in your own life because you will know where you’re going and be able to handle the journey.

About The Author Edward B. Toupin is a published author, technical writer, web developer, coach, and producer living in “The Entertainment Capital of the World,” Las Vegas, NV. One of his primary objectives in his work is to provide information to help others achieve fulfilling lives. Visit his site at http://encouragement.netfirms.com and http://www.toupin.com or contact him at etoupin@toupin.com or lifecoach@toupin.com for more information.

What Should You Be Committed To? – by: Jeff Earlywine

There are many dynamics that go into making a great team. Dynamics such as chemistry, talent, unity, and the list could go on and on. However, there is one dynamic that many teams, businesses, and leaders often overlook. That dynamic is commitment. Without each individual person in the organization, including yourself, being totally committed to the organization it will never reach its potential.

I was recently in a meeting where the speaker spoke on the subject of being committed. He felt strongly that each person should be committed to the one leading the organization. In his situation this person was his senior pastor, but it could have been an executive director, president, foreman, coach, or boss.

History is full of organizations that failed to reach their potential because members of the team were not committed. The sad part is that this is allowed to go on, many times unnoticed in every area of the organization.

In most organizations you have three groups of people. There is a board or governing body that usually doesn’t get involved in the day-to-day activities. Then you have the leaders. These people could range from senior vice presidents to assembly line foreman. Lastly, you have the people that are on the front lines getting the job done. Each person in each of these groups must be committed.

With the three groups identified, some time must be spent discussing the definition of commitment and what each person should be committed to. Granted, this could take volumes to explain, I have purposely only hit the highlights.

What does it mean to be committed? The speaker that I previously referred to explained it this way. When asked, “What is your vision? What is the passion in your heart? Where do you see yourself in five years?” His answer to these questions is always, “My vision, passion, and future is the same as my senior pastor.” This feeling and commitment level is consistent throughout all of this organization’s staff. Thus, explaining why they are one of the most influential churches in America.

Pat Williams, in his book The Magic of Team Work defined commitment this way.

• Loyalty: Commitment to each other on the team.
• Sense of mission: Commitment to the team vision or cause. The team vision will never become a reality until the players rally around it, commit to it, and bend their backs to make that vision a tangible reality.
• Class: Commitment to quality and excellence.
• Competitiveness: Commitment to winning. How you play the game is important, but winning at the end of the day is success. After all, your team is not committed to just play well, but they are committed to win.
• Accountability: Commitment to continual improvement. Accountability is absolutely essential to the health and success of any team. A team without accountability is not truly a team; it’s just a collection of individuals pursuing their own goals.
• Mental toughness: Commitment to hustling and finishing.
• Self-discipline: Commitment to control and self-mastery. This means being committed to conquering your own plays, weaknesses, procrastination, appetites, and laziness. It means being tough on ourselves, denying ourselves some things we want for the moment in order to win what we want for all time.

How about your level of commitment? As you read the following put yourself in the group in which you belong.

• Board or governing body. At this level of leadership in the organization each person in this group must be committed to the vision and mission. It is not uncommon for this group of people to be the ones that chart the course and hold the senior leadership accountable to accomplishing the stated goals. The members of this group must also be committed to the leadership that is charged with accomplishing the organization’s vision and mission.
• Leadership in the organization. This group of people must also be committed to the vision and mission but they must also be committed those in which they lead.
• Front Line. Those who are on the front lines, the largest of the three groups, must be committed not only to the vision and mission, but also to their leadership. This brings us to a critical juncture. In order for the leadership to be committed to the vision and mission they must know what it is. They must know where they are going and the steps it will take to get there. Also, in order for those on the front line to embrace and follow the leader they must be convinced that he or she knows where the organization is going. As Dr. John C. Maxwell says, “No one wants to go on a trip with a person that is lost.”

Now, what do you do if your level of commitment is not what it should be? What do you do if you are a member of a board and you don’t totally believe in its vision or mission? What do you do if you are in leadership and don’t believe your board is guiding the organization in the correct direction or you have a staff member that is not committed to you or the organization. Lastly, what do you do if are on the front lines and have realized that you are not a committed team player? The answers are simple, but the actions and consequences are difficult. The way I see it you have one of two choices, and they both have to do with change.

1. Change your attitude, direction, philosophy, mentality, or staff.
2. Change to another organization.

I fully realize that these are strong words. However, these are words that Christ demonstrated all throughout His life and put closure to in John 17, verses 4-5, “I brought glory to you here on earth by dong everything you told me to do. And now, Father, bring me into the glory we shared before the world began.”

Regardless if you are the coach of a professional basketball team, a staff member of a ministry, or a CEO of a fortune 500 corporation you owe it to the organization to give it one hundred percent of your time, talent, and commitment. Anything less will hinder the organization from achieving its vision and mission and will very possibly keep it from accomplishing its goals.

About The Author Jeff Earlywine began his ministry career while working on his undergraduate Business degree. His experiences have led him to work in many difference areas that have all benefited the local church. CONSULTANT – Jeff has spent the last fifteen years consulting with hundreds of different organizations all across the nation. Serving as a consultant at The Injoy Group challenged him to be his best while he worked with the best. Jeff has assisted many ministries in Vision Casting, Strategic Planning, and Future Planning. EXECUTIVE PASTOR – Jeff’s unofficial title was, “Pastor of Organization,” and by this title you might know this is his greatest skill. That skill gave him the passion to organize many different ministries in the local church. That skill also developed a volunteer staff capable of growing each of these ministries. He did this by equipping them to fulfill their God-given potential. Jeff’s passion is to come along side the local pastor and help him to identify and develop his dream, organize the needs of that dream, and then to train and equip leaders to fulfill that dream.

Bad Blood – by: Wayne and Tamara

Direct Answers – Column for the week of August 26, 2002

Recently my father passed away. My problem is he never filed a will through the court, but he did have a holographic will, which is an unwitnessed, handwritten will. That will popped out of nowhere.

My father owned a nice middle-class home. My younger sister wanted his home because it is a lot more spacious than her own. I personally did not mind. For my share in dad’s home my sister promised me a paid and clear title and her home would be mine.

One day she picked me up, and we went to an attorney so I could sign a paper giving her my father’s home. I asked where my title was, paid full and clear. She said not to worry, she would bring it next week for sure.

I believed her. After all she is blood. Now I know it was all a setup, and my sister took advantage of me. She never signed over her home free and clear. To top it off, my uncle was the executor of the will, and he knew what my sister was up to.

I am suing my sister to get my half, but all my lawyer has gotten so far is junk like pots, pans and bowls with no value. I feel bad going to this extreme, but she has taken advantage of me and disobeyed my father’s wishes.

Marjorie

Marjorie, blood does not denote character. Blood only carries value when there is love, character and sharing.

This can’t be the first time your sister has pulled something on you. It is likely she’s done a myriad of smaller things over the years. Each time she was careful to put enough distance between events to make you susceptible again.

Your uncle and your sister are two of a kind. It’s not that you have blood in common, it is that they have larceny in common. They look at blood as something to take advantage of, something to use and abuse. You can find total strangers you are more connected to than those two.

As long as there is a reasonable chance of success, don’t let them walk away laughing. Even if most of what you recover goes to pay lawyer’s fees, that is better than failing to defend yourself. In the future, remember you are not dealing with family, you are dealing with thieves who stole your father’s final gift.

Wayne and Tamara

Eye Candy

I am a guy, 21. Recently I’ve been talking online to a married woman. She seems to like talking to me because she seeks a kind of love her husband cannot give her. During a family vacation, she actually stopped at a gas station here and phoned a radio station requesting a love song for me, while her husband was inside the gas station.

Another married woman incident occurred last summer. One night out on the lake with her family and my folks, a woman commented I would look good in Speedos. Then yesterday I was playing basketball in my front yard, and our neighbor walked by as I was shooting hoops. She took it upon herself to water her roses and glance at me.

Why is this happening? What do these married women see in me, and what do they want from me?

Shep

Shep, an iris, an orchid and a rose don’t try to give us pleasure, they are just being themselves. Yet each of these flowers appeals to different people in varying amounts.

You have qualities which appeal to these women. For some it could be your height, your athleticism, or your personality. For others it may simply be the twinkle in your eye or the resemblance to an old beau. Their attraction to you begins and ends within them.

You clearly stated you know they are married. There is no need or advantage for you to encourage them.

Tamara

About The Author Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.